|Sarah and Rose bridesmaids for the first time ever|
|Mum and dad and the bride and groom|
On the morning of the wedding the alarm rang as usual at six o'clock and Rob got up to make up my intravenous medication, ready to swap the syringe at six thirty when needed. There is no respite from the drug routines whatever the event, there are no days off! I was awake and could hear him preparing my drugs, I decided I needed the loo and raised myself to get up. On doing so, the whole room span around and my heart began to pound rapidly. This did not feel right and I lay back down straight away, I had barely lifted myself from the pillow. I could still hear Rob happily making my medication and I decided to stay calm then give it another try, I was completely dizzy and my heart was racing fast and now thumping so hard it felt it would come out of my chest. I lay back down again, now absolutely petrified about what was happening to me.
Rob came into the room and I calmly told him as I lay still what was happening. I asked him to change my medication over and to stay calm, which he duly did. He felt my chest and my heart pounding, well he could actually see my chest pounding and was getting alarmed like me. I decided to try moving again, but no, the dizziness started as soon as I moved and my heart raced even faster. It felt as though 'this was it', I thought my heart had taken a turn for the worse and was giving up, although I wasn't actually fainting, it felt like I would collapse if I tried to move. There was nothing for it other than to dial 999.
Sarah and Oli stayed by my bedside holding my hands, I remember feeling so bad and poorly, I had to ask them to stop holding me and just stay by me. My thoughts at this time were that I was going to be lucky to get through this, if at all; that the transplant couldn't come fast enough and that it hadn't been fast enough and that was the end of all that; that I just needed the ambulance to come now to take the stress of my family, because they all felt so helpless and couldn't do anything for me and neither could I; that I was going to die and it was my sister's wedding day and this should not really be happening. I had often pondered what it may be like when the time came: would my heart just give up randomly and out of the blue and quickly and that would be the end of it or would it fail slowly and I would become sicker and sicker. Well that question seemed answered now, it was giving up quickly, randomly and out of the blue. I was just desperate for the ambulance to come, which seemed at the time to be taking an age. I lay as still as I could and although my heart was going fast, it had stopped pounding now I wasn't trying to move.
My heart seemed calmer now, although I still hadn't moved. Rob came in the ambulance with me and had to leave the girls and Oli waiting for news. My ECG showed good heart rhythm, but it was fast, well that was encouraging. I immediately felt safer being with the paramedics, my thought was, they could try and resuscitate me, if it comes to that and although I had tried to remain very calm through what was happening, I was now relieved of the stress.